Local Designers Rock!
This dress was made for me by SYC Designs here in San Diego. Sameerha is an amazing talent. I buy local, eat local and manufacture local
Dreaming with a Broken Heart
This song was written for me…I personally know what it is like to dream with a broken heart. John says the hardest part is giving up…I never have… I should probably back up a little.
I had the opportunity to meet the love of my life after my divorce from a marriage of 26 years beginning at age 17. I had only been divorced for a year when I met someone who changed everything. I had never known the type of generosity and love he provided me freely. When we met it was like two cross town buses at rush hour crashing into each other! no one saw it coming least of all he or I.
The events leading to why I was where I was that evening is a story best saved for another time…as it is a story all its own.
This story is about realizing after a long time that what we had was so beyond anything I could have imagined and I cannot imagine ever feeling that way about another man. I’m not saying it is impossible but highly unlikely in our fast paced linear thinking culture. An artist like myself he “got me” and in an unexpected turn I “got him” too. As unlikely a pairing as you could imagine it really worked. he taught me to be a better water colorist and he taught me how to draw human figures, a weak spot for me for many years. He made it seem so simple. he had a gift for understanding exactly how and what I needed to learn. For a year it worked until I left the country for 6 months for a business school in the south of France. As Usher sang “You Got it Bad” and I did.
He had told me his dream was to study painting in Holland or Belgium and was interested in an art school in Florence. So we decided he should come visit for a couple of weeks in the spring while I was at school and we could go to Amsterdam and visit the ancient art supply stores and museums. We had a shared love of Van Gogh. His employment situation changed so he was free to come visit…and he did. He ended up staying two months…two glorious, frustrating, awe filled, maddening, amazing WTF months. I fell much deeper in love with him during those days and weeks in France. Not without challenges in our relationship, but I developed a deeper understanding of his complexity as a person, a man and an artist.
He took our Eurail pass to discover the Angel Academy in Florence while I was in mid-terms back in Marseille. He loved it and wanted to enroll as soon as $$$ would allow.
He had ask me to marry him on more than one occasion back in California, but I was still damaged from the last years of my previous marriage and divorce. I could never conceive of marrying again…not even someone as perfect for me and me for him. It was my Achilles heel. I was insensitive to him in my need to protect myself and I will always regret that.
The last time I saw him we were saying goodbye at the train station in Marseille as he was headed to the airport and home. He moved to another state to be with family and then another state. I returned home to California in June to family issues which required my immediate attention. I was not very good at communicating with him and being supportive while he was transitioning to life away where he needed to be for the time being. he cut all ties with me.
So even though it has been five years and four other relationships in between no one has captured my heart, mind and spirit like he did.Two of them also included proposals, but I could not even conceive of marrying anyone else if I ever would.
So now you know why I dream with a broken heart.
How to Make Your Art a Star and live quietly in the background.
Once upon a time there lived a talented young woman and her husband and baby. They lived in a beach neighborhood and so she kept her successes and creations from her neighbors to protect her family from possible burglary. Everyone thought she worked in an office somewhere part time and was busy as a homemaker at home. She was busy…amking jewelry, soldering chain and sheet silver and setting bezels around stones and wrapping wire and knotting pearls…for herself for stores, for other designers. Anyone willing to pay her to make their jewelry so she could be with their young daughter.
Her work ended up around the necks of President’s wives and movie stars and few had ever heard of her by name but they knew they look of mixed gems and pearls breaking the classical rules. She taught herself many techniques and took classes when the budget allowed. Soon some of the retailers were carrying her lines alongside theirs which she had manufactured and often assisted in designing. Throughout the years she worked for various companies in a wide range of the jewelry trade by day and plied her wares by night and weekend while her husband took the lines to market. One day she would leave the day jobs completely and take her knowledge with her to create all her own jewels.
That day came and one after another more opportunities came from high end retailers and she was producing along with local talent her signature looks. Often retailers would market the look under their store brand but she didn’t mind the checks were coming in and feeding her family of five now. Success looks different to everyone and this was her success.
Continued next time…
Zen Life 